Sunday, February 21, 2016

Sand Opera Lenten Journey Day 12: "The Blues of Ken Davis" (Living With Ghosts and Demons)

Sand Opera Lenten Journey Day 12

Brothers and sisters:
Our citizenship is in heaven, 
            --Paul’s letter to the Philippians 3:20


The Blues of Ken Davis


and I remember calling
home that night and saying
I can’t take this anymore

if this is what we’re going
to do if this is what we’ve become
then I’m done

they say talk to a chaplain
they say it’s all your perception
and every night it’s amazing

because you’re lying there
no matter how much music you play
no matter how loud you turn it up

you still can hear █████
██████████████
███████████████████


Note

Americans’ refusal to admit the truth about our torture program adds an extra dimension to these soldiers’ pain. The only thing more frustrating than people not believing what you say is true, is when those truths are things that have destroyed your life. Ken Davis, a guard caught in some of the infamous Abu Ghraib abuse photos, explains, “A lot of soldiers, when we come back, are lost. It’s especially true for a unit accused of abuse, when you hear lies about what happened, and people deny what you saw.  And now we live with ghosts and demons that will haunt us for the rest of our lives.”
From “We Live With Ghosts and Demons: Soldiers Who Took Part in Torture Suffer from Severe PTSD” at


Reflection from Raymond Lennon

I recall how, in the depths of Northern Ireland's suffering, I still retained a quite respectable distance while a yard away my neighbour was shot dead, a house and small store were bombed. Oddly enough I was at Church that morning when he died and our neighbourhood link to newspapers, tobacco and confectionary was reduced to rubble and Leslie lay propped against a wall mortally wounded. And I talked and talked and still do talk to those who acted out those events with their words and with their hands and triggers and fuses. This was a cold, unreal and scary perception for me. To parley with the feared. They had the potential to terrify me but I could NOT allow this or I would have given in to the entire dynamic. Instead I had to opt for looking at this scene, and walk past that event, as if it were a news report, yet yards away, day by day until Leslie was  buried and the rubble removed, leaving wasteland.


This mental distancing allowed me space to regard the reality-perception-truth to become far enough in some odd way yet terribly painful as I reflect. And allowed my head to dialogue and seek to calm the forces which were driving these realities-perception-truths, even to the point of befriending demons, to reach a better place in my head and heart.

--Raymond Lennon is a graduate of Queen’s University, Belfast and has been pursuing doctoral studies there.  He was been Departmental Head in Corpus Christi College, probably in one of the most strife torn areas of Belfast. He was Student Counsellor for the Freshman year. He was a close friend and collaborator with Fr Alec Reid, the acclaimed Peace Priest of Clonard Monastery.Stemming from his Youth and Community work during the worst days of the Troubles he was approached to assist programs designed to help United States students learn from the Peace Process in Belfast. Consequently, for the past 10 years he has been coordinating and developing immersion programs for US College and High School students. He has worked closely with the John Carroll University faculty and students in Cleveland. He has also developed crucial political and former paramilitary contacts in Belfast. He is convinced that what is learnt here will assist Americans to become peace builders at home and elsewhere.

Saturday, February 20, 2016

Sand Opera Lenten Journey Day 11: Handling the Koran and Wafaa Bilal’s 168:01 (A Call to Action)

Sand Opera Lenten Journey Day 11: Handling the Koran and Wafaa Bilal’s 168:01 (A Call to Action)

Jesus said to his disciples:
“You have heard that it was said,
You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.
But I say to you, love your enemies,
and pray for those who persecute you,
that you may be children of your heavenly Father,
for he makes his sun rise on the bad and the good,
and causes rain to fall on the just and the unjust.
For if you love those who love you, what recompense will you have?
            --Matthew 5


From Sand Opera:
Handling the Koran (Standard Operating Procedure)



avoid handling or touching

                        a language specific

           
            to open the one cover with one hand


                                                in an upright manner (as if reading

                       
                                                not every page is to be

clearly see the pages


            reverence

           
                        two hands at all times


Handle                         as if it were fragile



            delicate art



Wafaa Bilal’s “Domestic Tension” and “168:01”

Wafaa Bilal, a contemporary Iraqi artist who has lived in the United States since the 1990s, is one of my favorite artists around. What I love about Bilal’s work, is that it works on a number of levels—it is at once deeply personal and political; it provokes and confronts us at the same time that it offers us empathic identification; it is sometimes comic, sometimes tragic, at other times confessional.


“Domestic Tension,” his demonstrates Bilal’s complex strategies, in which, in an act of radical identification with his brother, Hajji, killed by drone surveillance and U.S. helicopter attack, Bilal invited anonymous internet users to shoot at him with a remote-controlled paintball gun, in an installation studio in Chicago.  In his poignant account of the project, Shoot an Iraqi (a must-read), Bilal writes that he was “feeling increasingly guilt-ridden and ambivalent about my pleasures and successes, and more and more irritated and disgusted by the seeming cluelessness and callousness about Iraq” (10). After all, he’d emigrated as a refugee of the Persian Gulf War in 1991, and for many years had lived a different life than his family who remained under the bombs. He wanted “to address the chasm between the comfort and conflict zones, both to examine and duality in which I exist and to push the limits of understanding of those ensconced purely in the comfort zone” (11). The project was a month-long live-streamed performance piece “in a makeshift room set up in the gallery, going about my daily routine with a robotically controlled paintball gun aimed at [him], which people could shoot live and over the internet, 24 hours a day” (1).


He describes the project here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DcyquvDEe0o and also did video during the experience: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMNyXTGtXxI

Bilal’s recent project, 168:01, is described below, and seems a perfect complement to “Handling the Koran,” but extending toward the love of literature that has been at the heart of Iraqi civilization.



In Bilal’s words, “Iraq has a long history of such cultural destruction. During the Islamic Golden Age in the 13th century, an invading Mongol army set fire to all the libraries of Baghdad, including the famed House of Wisdom, or Bayt al-Hikma. Legend describes the invaders throwing the Bayt al-Hikma’s entire library into the Tigris River to create a bridge of books for their army to cross. The pages bled ink into the river for seven days, at the end of which the books were drained of knowledge. The first minute after grief becomes the starting point from which 168:01 takes its name—signaling the struggle to move forward and the beginning of a cross-cultural encounter between individuals contributing to a globally distributed effort to rebuild anew.”

“During the invasion of Iraq in 2003, the College of Fine Arts at the University of Baghdad lost their entire library due to looters who set fire to the collection. More than 70,000 books were destroyed. Over thirteen years later, students at the college still have few remnants from which to study. In 168:01, an installation of an austere white library at the Art Gallery of Windsor serves as both a monument to the staggering cultural losses endured throughout Iraq’s history as well as a platform for its potential rebirth. Comprised of a series of white shelves filled with blank tomes, the library doubles as a system of exchange connecting its physical and virtual visitors in Canada and beyond to the College of Fine Arts in Iraq. Aimed at restoring its lost archives, 168:01 positions viewers as potential donors whose contributions fund educational texts from a list compiled by faculty members. As the installation accrues donations, the white library replaces the blank tomes with books from the faculty wishlist, becoming saturated with knowledge. Select donors receive the blank tomes in return for their contribution. At the end of the exhibition, all donated books are to be shipped to the College of Fine Arts, beginning the process of rebuilding.”

What can we do? Buy a book to held rebuild the library at the University of Baghdad! http://www.amazon.ca/registry/wishlist/3PKR2LAW73FW6 Here is the wishlist.

It’s a simple act of cultural restoration that each of us can do.

Friday, February 19, 2016

Sand Opera Lenten Journey Day 10: The Abu Ghraib Man and Trauma Work

Sand Opera Lenten Journey Day 10

   

From Sand Opera:

(echo /ex/)
                                                                

On the third day                                              G         came


            made me                                  no clothing

                        wires on my fingers                              penis

            bag over my head

           
                                                            saying                           electric

flash of the camera                  


            in the garden

                                                            and I fell down

            thy voice

           
            made me stand                                    

                                                                        made me


white chair high in the air                                                       

                        till thou return unto the ground

            I woke up                     to sleep




***
Cast away from you all the crimes you have committed, says the Lord,
and make for yourselves a new heart and a new spirit
.
--Ezekiel 18:31

The prophet Ezekiel’s words open up radical hope, the hope of the Lenten season—that the sins of the past can be forgiven. Like Joe Hoover’s provocative reflection on Graner a few days ago, today’s readings propose that anyone can be saved if they turn from their sin. But I have to say I’m struggling with that message today. What about collective sin that has never been acknowledged? Last evening, I spoke with Oliver de la Paz’s class about Sand Opera, and found myself in the middle of its muddle again. There are times when I’m giving a reading that I want to read anything but these poems; how strange it is to have to be inside that prison again, to have to voice the words of prisoners. I want to be free of those voices now, at the same time that I can’t be rid of them. I want to believe in forgiveness, but I struggle with the idea that my country has failed to come to terms in the most fundamental ways with the havoc that we have wreaked on Iraq—not just during the Iraq War, but the Persian Gulf War twelve years before that.

Today’s poem works with the voice of the man whose image became known as the Abu Ghraib man, Abdou Hussain Saad Faleh. And while I have refused to show images from the scandal, this one is so iconic, so rife with Christian imagery, that it should be shared. Notice, in particular, the juxtaposition between the hooded man and Staff Sgt. Ivan Frederick, fiddling with his camera.

The mystery of the Christian tradition is the proposition that Jesus’s suffering is an act of redemptive love that cleanses all of humanity. That is the Easter story. The most famous image from the Abu Ghraib prison scandal was that of the so-called Abu Ghraib Man, whose position ironically echoed the crucifixion of Jesus. One might read the story of Abu Ghraib as the story of the ongoing crucifixion.

Dr. Susan Averna’s reflection on this poem as part of trauma work points us toward the healing that might be possible, simply by being with such voices. That is my hope, even as I struggle with it today.

“Trauma Work” by Susan Averna

Trauma – powerlessness over violation (“made me,” “made me”) and threat of harm or death. The fragmented composition captures beautifully the nature of traumatic memory. Splintered memory, body sensations, the body’s amazing capacity to dissociate and shut down episodic memory for self-preservation while reliving every feeling, sight, sound, smell. The aftermath of trauma is the enemy outside living within. The event is over but the body keeps reacting --feeling states of panic, rage, fear. Healing comes from regaining trust, befriending the body and finding the capacity to feel safe again. The origins of your work “began simply a way to be with those prisoners.” In trauma work, or any kind of emotionally healing work, a critical concept is “being with.” It goes beyond bearing witness. It is feeling and holding space for the experience of another. More than any comforting words or sympathetic gestures, it is entering into another's pain by connecting with your own experiences of loss, grief, violation, etc. (and being with that person in the pain). It creates a connection and conveying of understanding that lifts the shame and allows for the person to be seen and heard and to find language for the unspeakable. 

Susan Averna, PhD  is a psychologist, college professor, mindfulness educator, and registered yoga teacher. Specializing in developmental trauma, she works with individuals and groups to build resilience, cultivate self-compassion and optimize well-being. She provides consultation and professional development to school teachers and staff to reduce burnout, address barriers to teaching and learning, and support the well-being of educators and students.


Thursday, February 18, 2016

Sand Opera Lenten Journey Day 9: Knock and You Will Be Let In (+ Shakir Mustafa)

Sand Opera Lenten Journey Day 9

From Sand Opera:

(echo /ex/)


his name is G
                                   
                        “Do you believe in                  

                                                my broken

                                                            ark which he had made

            I lost

I lost

                        G came and laughed

                                                            lo, in her mouth

                        it will break again

arms behind

                                                broken because I can’t

sever pain

                        X

            X                                             the hard site                

                                                            while the earth remaineth              

            some pictures              

                                                shall not cease




Matthew 7:7-12

Jesus said to his disciples:
“Ask and it will be given to you;
seek and you will find;
knock and the door will be opened to you.
For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds;
and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.
Which one of you would hand his son a stone
when he asked for a loaf of bread,
or a snake when he asked for a fish?
If you then, who are wicked,
know how to give good gifts to your children,
how much more will your heavenly Father give good things
to those who ask him.

“Do to others whatever you would have them do to you.
This is the law and the prophets.”

“Some pictures / shall not cease.” The poem for today lands us back into the Abu Ghraib prison, and the trauma of entrapment by the sinister “G.” I have written elsewhere that as I explored the testimonies of the abused Iraqi prisoners at Abu Ghraib, I came to think of Graner as a God-like figure, someone whose absolute power terrified and traumatized the prisoners, into a state of unceasing trauma. Today’s Scripture brings us back to the Golden Rule, one of the most basic and universal principles of moral thinking, one that is all-too-rarely followed. “Knock and the door will be opened to you” seems to me one of the most beautiful evocations of generosity I can imagine. We are seeking, and we are in need, and we knock, and we are invited in. I think one of the errors Americans tend to make is to think that everyone (the immigrant, the refugee) just wants to be let into our house. Maybe it’s really the opposite. What if we are the ones who are trapped outside, who need to be let in, to be let into the body of Love?

What Jesus describes is desert hospitality; it is built into the fabric of life in the Middle East. It is the generosity I felt when visiting Shakir and Nawal in their home in Bloomington. I met Shakir in graduate school at Indiana University in 1994. Having been tormented by the Persian Gulf War, which had taken place just a few years before, I was eager to talk with Shakir about his life and work. He was studying Irish literature, a fact that astounded me at the tim—not knowing the colonial and postcolonial history of Ireland and the shared legacy of the bloody British empire in both Iraq and Ireland. Shakir and his wife Nawal became friends, and Amy and I were honored to eat at Shakir and Nawal’s table (of which you’ll read more in a future installment of this Lenten observance). So when I began this Sand Opera project, I got in touch with Shakir and learned about his recent turn toward art, art-making as a sort of liberatory healing practice, to shake off the feeling of entrapment that has haunted his life ever since he left Iraq in 1991.

Shakir Mustafa is a professor of Arabic at Northeastern University. Shakir grew up in Iraq and taught at Mosul University in Northern Iraq for eleven years. He then taught at Indiana University and Boston University from 1999 to 2008. His most recent book is Contemporary Iraqi Fiction: An Anthology (Syracuse, 2008), which was recognized as “one of the most important books in 2008” by The Bloomsbury Review. His other publications are in the areas of literary translation, Irish drama, and Jewish American fiction. He has given dozens of lectures as well as radio and television interviews (NPR, NECN, FOX News among others) on Arab and Muslim cultures and politics.

If you want to email Shakir about his beautiful work, please do! It might be a gift to him to know that you’re reading his work: shakmust@gmail.com

“The Entrapment Syndrome” by Shakir Mustafa

Growing up in Iraq for me meant a gradual awakening to a sense of entrapment. A lifetime might not be long enough to get out of that entrapment, but the urge to break away almost made it bearable. Not exactly the silver lining of western cultures, but the Arabo-Islamic tradition of ultimately arriving at the good essence of what seems bad at the start. A fairly large number of what seemed bad at the start, though, stayed true to its calling, or I was never able to get to the ultimate goodness in them.

Cramped in a Russian Zil truck on our way to Al-Rasheed Camp in Baghdad, a jolly college classmate pointed to me and joked with the others, “we’ll all end up dying, and this guy here will survive.” I was the quiet one on the truck and the others were group singing some of the silliest songs that came to Iraq from neighboring Arab countries .. بید الحنة لسھ وانا ىّ يّ عل تزوج زوجي (My husband got a second wife and I haven’t been married a week yet). That sense of entrapment was so pervasive that I thought on that truck ride that I’d be the one who’d die. It was summer of 1974, and I just finished basic military training, but the word had been going around for a while that we’ll be soon rushed to intensive training to become officers. The Kurdish uprising in the north had escalated again and the army was in dire need of officers.

College graduates across Iraq still on their compulsory military service were rounded up and hurriedly trained to command equally ill-prepared units fighting a protracted insurgency. I was released from intensive training a week later when I got into the Masters program in English literature. We were doing drills under the harsh August sun when a carrier came and handed the Sargent the release order. The Sargent took his time in reading it aloud as the others were eyeing me with faint gratitude for the temporary break. I stepped out of the line to accompany the carrier, and the Sargent asked the rest of the platoon about what people do in a Masters’ program. “Masturbation,” I heard one say in English. Their voices were waning, then a few sing-sang their farewell to me, “masturbation, masturbation.”

Grad school delivered me from that entrapment then, and again in 1990 when I left Iraq to study for a doctorate at Indiana University. That second delivery, however, came to an abrupt end two months later when Saddam Hussein invaded Kuwait on August 1st. My wife and children were to fly out of Baghdad the following day, but they had to wait as the borders were shut down. That sense of entrapment proved not just potent, but much more far-reaching than anyone thought. The past twenty-five years of living in the States have been a long look into that sense of entrapment. Although my family and I have been safe and flourishing in America, Iraq has been in the news mostly through images of carnage so persistent and enduring that I wonder at times if it were indeed just one country at the receiving end of that wanton destruction. And then things start to come into better focus and one sees that a country where you have nieces and nephews, and brothers and sisters, and a small army of relatives, is something one cannot leave behind. I haven’t really felt Iraq was a country I have been carrying around, but there has always been enough of it to make it too present, and to make that presence too oppressive.

***
Translation and wood works have helped me turn some of the negative energy of entrapment into meaningful products for myself and for those around me. I haven’t escaped into them—they have been there all the time, lurking among what I love, and they just came out when I seemed to need them most. My first translations of Iraqi fiction and poetry came as a response to the trivialization of Arab culture in much of the American media after 9/11, and as a service to my students who couldn’t read Iraqi literature in Arabic. The wood works I embraced for more personal reasons.

I want to say a thing or two about wood works because they seem the more unusual interests for an academic like myself. They also seem to provide better release from the overwhelming pressures of what has been happening in Iraq after 2003. To take a piece of rough wood and make a polished art product out of it has been a counter measure to the tragic regress of much of Iraq and some Arab countries into sheer ugliness.

I have always loved wood. Wood speaks to me as I decide what to do with it. Or refuses to speak to me, and when it resists mutation, I leave it alone. The slow emergence of a finished wood object is also a record of intimate physical touches and it becomes part of my personal history. The first few pieces I did were mostly carvings as I didn’t dare to cut deeper into the wood. One of the earlier pieces was this carving of a verse of poetry in Iraqi Arabic by Mudhaffar Al-Nawwabb: بحلم تعال جیة إلك وأحسبھا Come in a dream and I’ll count that a visit.




Then I did a series of pieces that show variations on the word سلام (Peace). Some were carvings, others sculptures.






Like peace, love was also diminishing in Iraq, and the word for love, محبة   became a theme for several wood works. An alternative reality of sorts crafted from wood, and, occasionally, stones.



The horrid reality of war and carnage in Iraq also made it to a few wood pieces. One sculpture pays tribute to lives lost in meaningless sectarian or political killings that I based on a Human Rights Watch report of a head-less body identified by family members through the tattooed names of the victim’s children. Tattoos are not common in Iraq, but some started using them as means of identification in case such identification becomes necessary. In this sculpture, in African Winge wood, the names engraved on the arms and hands are random, but they are common Kurdish and Arabic names, and hence they recognize the victim somehow, a Kurd married to an Arab Mousli woman. I did this one last October around Halloween time, and the sculpture conflates the goriness of the theme with the lightness of the American holiday in both design and contents. I carved a verse from the Qur’an on the back,"نون والقلم وما يسطرون"   (Nun and the pen and what they write) and gave it the shape of a laughing face. I also inserted stones for eyes. Red and purple eyes, the kind of eyes on severed heads and Halloween masks.






That horrid reality could not continue. Not in art, at least,
and that consciousness opened up the possibilities of another type of release. One well oriented towards the medieval Arabo-Islamic and Jewish tradition of “relief after adversity,”الفرج بعد الشدة . Confronting the ills of contemporary life in Iraq and beyond started to crack, and a sense of hope set in. These glimmers of hope have already been visible in some of the “Peace” works, with a sense of harmony embodied in an animal-like figure that looks like a pet. Another piece shows two angry Nun characters—they seem shouting at each other. But when I placed them on the wall in a non-confrontational form, the anger seemed to subsided. I called the piece, “Two Nuns Shouting in the Wilderness,” and the tension was thus reduced to a bearable level.

Another piece I just finished has two figures—a parent and a child, with big smiles on their faces. The parent is on the floor holding the child up, and both seem unaware of the world around them. A moment of peace and release from pressure, and the sculpture is a rendering of the Arabic word قدم . My father used to lie down on the floor and lift us on his feet, and I did that with my children. Moments of rising above a reality too powerful to ignore, but memories of such moments are precious and enduring.

In art, I feel I was indeed the one who managed to survive, to keep his head above the water, even when the waters get thicker and murkier.







Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Sand Opera Lenten Journey Day 8: Jonah in Nineveh, plus Peter Molin and Joe Hoover, S.J.

Sand Opera Lenten Journey Day 8

Jonah 3:1-10

The word of the LORD came to Jonah a second time:
“Set out for the great city of Nineveh,
and announce to it the message that I will tell you.”
So Jonah made ready and went to Nineveh,
according to the LORD’s bidding.
Now Nineveh was an enormously large city;
it took three days to go through it.
Jonah began his journey through the city,
and had gone but a single day’s walk announcing,
“Forty days more and Nineveh shall be destroyed,”
when the people of Nineveh believed God;
they proclaimed a fast
and all of them, great and small, put on sackcloth.

Nineveh, located in northern Iraq, was a place of mythic proportions, so large it took Jonah three days to travel through. Before Jonah made it to Nineveh, of course, he avoided God’s call and literally went in the opposite direction of where he was called, which led to the whole episode inside the fish. Jonah, too, went through his own incarceration. How many cells we find ourselves in—some imposed on us, some of our own making.

Some, like Rush Limbaugh, saw what happened at Abu Ghraib as nothing more than a fraternity prank. Today, the words of Charles Graner, arguably the principal sadist of the group, lay bare the falsity of such small-minded light-heartedness. Two reflections on “The Blues of Charles Graner” take us in different directions—one from Peter Molin, an Army veteran, and one from Joe Hoover, a brother in the Society of Jesus.

The Blues of Charles Graner

The Christian in me
knows it’s wrong
but the corrections
officer in me can’t
help but love
making a man
piss himself


“The Blues of Charles Graner” by Peter Molin

Though only a junior enlisted soldier, Charles Graner, a Gulf War veteran, former Marine, and experienced corrections officer, held enormous sway within the ranks of the Army National Guardsmen assigned to Abu Ghraib, especially among the women, one of whom, Lynndie England, he impregnated and another, Megan Ambhul, whom he later married. It was Graner whom the Army held directly responsible for Abu Ghraib atrocities, his lame efforts to excuse himself on the grounds of following orders belied by the fact that he was the one directing his peers and reassuring them that abusing prisoners was OK. “The Blues of Charles Graner” consists of an artful rearrangement of callous words purportedly spoken by Graner when finally confronted by a fellow soldier. Graner probably tossed them off in jest, but they couldn’t more truly convey the sadistic impulse given vent by unfettered power.

The poem’s title reinforces the impression of Graner’s shamelessness. If Graner—who while working as a civilian corrections officer was accused of terrorizing African-American prisoners—can lay claim to the dignified authority of the blues, the proud populist artform of mid-20th-century black America, then the blues have no meaning. A monster’s victim can have the blues, but the monster can’t have the blues about that which makes him a monster.

--Peter Molin is a retired US Army infantry officer who currently teaches in the Writing Program at Rutgers University, New Brunswick, NJ. He blogs at Time Now: The Iraq and Afghanistan Wars in Art, Film, and Literature. www.acolytesofwar.com


Code (On “The Blues Charles Graner”) by Joe Hoover, S.J.

Code of Ethics of the American Correctional Association (founded in 1870, Ohio Governor Rutherford B. Hayes its first president):

“The ACA expects of its members unfailing honesty, respect for the dignity and individuality of human beings and a commitment to professional and compassionate service.”

And: “Members shall respect and protect the civil and legal rights of all individuals.”

And: “Members shall respect, promote and contribute to a workplace that is safe, healthy and free of harassment in any form.”

It seems, then, as if the speaker in this poem has it reversed.

It is not that Graner has ignored his Christian side and done what is wrong (make a grown man piss himself.)

Rather, it is that he has discarded his corrections officer side and failed to do what is right (follow a code and respect the dignity of a grown man.)

Graner has wrongly opposed these two states of life: Way of the Christian v. Way of the Prison Guard. When in fact you could say that, according to the code, a corrections officer behaving well looks a lot like a Christian.

But take this a step further. Even if it was his “Christian side” that did the wrong thing, is that so bad? Is that so “un-Christian?”

The Christian in me knows a lot of things are wrong and the Christian in me does them anyway. And the Christian in me who eventually confesses and repents of the wrong gets closer to God because of this. My sins can take me back to Jesus.

This is the terrible thing about the Christian faith, for all those who come into contact with Christians. Our sins are good. The awful things we do to other people can bring us back to God.    They return us to humility. They deposit us into the shock of reality--the only place God lives.

So, you could say it is the job of Christians to do wrong. Because how else can we get closer to God?

And if none of this makes sense, or even seems outrageous (humiliate a man and become a truer child of God), consider what we are reflecting on. Men, piss, prison, torture, war and a kind of hell blistering the world. None of it makes sense. The only thing that makes sense is the most senseless thing of all: that God, as they say, holds the whole blistered world in his hands as it continues to pitch and sunder. Senseless, all of it. But to whom else shall we go? You, me, Graner. To whom shall we go? To one who has the code of everlasting life.


--Joe Hoover is an actor, writer and the poetry editor at America Media. He is a Jesuit brother.